I'll have to see

I've been very open about having an autoimmune disease and what changes I've had to make to my life. One of the biggest things is I can't make commitments. I hate letting others down. So I had to give up my position with the volunteer committee I was a board member of, and always say I'll have to see when ask to do anything.
Last year I participated in an amazing Halloween event for seniors and adults with disabilities. Something I'm very passionate about. I was undergoing treatment for a flare, still trying to figure out what was wrong with me. It was difficult but I did what I could. When asked this year, I said "I'll have to see." Leading up to the event I was confident I'd show up and surprise the organizers, ready to volunteer. Unfortunately I had another flare, a bad one. I'm actually writing this from bed, where I've spent most of the day. Unable to move because of pain, swelling, weakness and more.
On Thursday my new book, The Climb is releasing. I decided to have a book release party, both on line and at my home. Well o had a young family staying with me for the past six weeks. They just got possession of their condo today. I need to do a little extra cleaning. I haven't had a toddler around in many years, fingerprints and sticky doorknobs come with the territory. I need to prepare for a wine and cheese party, organize door prizes, online prizes, author take overs and still market my book on release day. Yet here I am bedridden and feeling as if I took on more than I can handle.
This right here is the biggest effect that autoimmune disease has had on my life. I'll have to see. I invited another autoimmune warrior to my party, she said "I'll have to see".  I want everyone to understand that we do want to participate, we do want to come out, have you over, volunteer and even work. This isn't always possible and we aren't making excuses. We do love you and want to see you, we just can't always. This is why I don't make commitments anymore.
I'm excited for my release party, bit also stressed because I don't know if it will be as perfect as I'd like, because I have a disease that dictates how my day will go. If you know someone that also uses the catch phrase "I'll have to see", give then a gentle hugs and your understanding, that's all they really want.

Xoxo
Charlotte