Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Back to school

I'm pretty sure I'm the only parent that dreads back to school. We are now over a week in to the new school year in my area and the struggle has already begun. Usually as summer comes to an end, parents are cheering. They no longer have to deal with fighting siblings all day, everyday, no longer have to plan and transport to various summer activities. Don't get me wrong, I know we all love the time and memories we get to create with our kids, but lets face it, school is six hours a day where we don't have to pull fighting siblings off each other, clean up messes and entertain. School can mean a little break. Not for me!

My kids are 15 and 12, ( my oldest 19, is on her own now) they are very independent and kinda tend to stick to them selves. I rarely have to deal with them fighting. They easily help with chores when asked. I'm pretty blessed. Until school starts that is. See my kids deal with low immune systems, they get sick very easily, they suffer from migraine headaches and the area we live in, I'm pretty sure is the worst possible city for pressure changes. This causes frequent migraines. My 15 year old also deals with severe social anxiety. So school for me means, fights and arguments to get them out the door. Tears and yes screaming. Constant calls home from school because one or both have a migraine, are not feeling well or whatever. It mean constant visits to the doctor, just to be told "let's wait and see". My 15 year old has been chronically ill since last December.

So school started last week, week one went great for my 12 year old. For my 15 year old the anxiety kicked in hard, but she made it through. Week 2, Monday my 15 year old had a sever migraine, complete with vomiting. Tuesday was a fight and a few threats to get her to school. My 12 year old son, crawled into the car Tuesday after school, in tears because of his head. He came home and laid down with his migraine. Both didn't eat much dinner. Now today Wednesday, my son still isn't feeling well, he begged to stay home. So right now, he's back in bed trying to get rid of the nasty headache he's plagued with. My daughter doesn't start school until after noon, we have gotten accommodated programming to try to help her succeed in school past her anxiety and illnesses. So I'm not sure if today will be a fight with her. 

So this will go on the entire school year, we will have specialists from the schools get involved to try and make education easier and a priority for them. I will stress for the next 10 months. I deal with more tears than either kid should have. I will worry what will become of them as they grow, how will they hold a job, will they learn to fight through the illness or migraines as I am doing right now. Will they be productive members of society?

As you can see, school doesn't bring a break for me, it brings added stress and frustration. As parents we all have our "things" we have to deal with, work through and manage. This is mine and although I feel like I'm failing 90% of the time, I look at my 19 year old (who also dealt with health issues as a kid) and see her as a successful and hard working young woman. Yes she moved away to a climate that is better for her health. This makes me hopeful that the other two will get through this as well. It also makes me sad that I genetically predisposed my kids to all my health ailments. Hopefully they won't become severe.

So to other parents that struggle, I feel your pain. It doesn't matter if it's autism, ADD, any other medical or mental disorder that adds to your struggle. Know you're not alone. To those of you that don't have to deal with any of this, that have happy, healthy kids that love school, remember that other people have other struggles. Teach your child to be compassionate of those that miss lots, don't judge because you have no clue what their struggles are. Mostly, please befriend these kids. It's hard to make and maintain friendships when away ill and they need to feel wanted, it may help them heal.

XOXO
Charlotte

Monday, September 3, 2018

Body Shaming, Don't judge a person on their cover

Me at 18 as a model. 
This week there has been a lot of body shaming going on. Some people say it's not just about being obese, it's about health. Well let me lead you down my story. I was a hundred pounds, soaking wet, I was a model, I even did a swimsuit shoot just months after having my first child. Flash forward a few years. I was in nursing school, I was constantly told that I was too thin. I did't try to be thin, I didn't work out, I ate what I wanted and just lived life. Less than a year later, I had my second child. I was up to a hundred and sixty pounds. I walked my eldest to and from school everyday. I was a very active mother. I couldn't lose the weight if my life depended on it. I sat around this weight for many years. Even after my third child, I didn't gain or lose.

Now a little more history, I was sixteen when I started losing my hair. I tried everything to stop it, doctors said it was "just" female pattern baldness and there was nothing I could do. This was a huge blow to my confidence. I had to learn different ways to style my hair, ways to cover it up. By the time I was thirty, I had my three children and had now gain sixty pounds. I almost always live in hats, for years I wore wigs, but don't like them. I continuously beat myself up. I'm extremely shy, I lack any kind of self confidence and consistently beat myself up over my appearance.

Now I'm over 40 years old, my weight yo-yo's between one-sixty and one-eighty, it's even gone close to one-ninety-five. My hair is so thin, I can't do much at all anymore. My husband and I always joke that we will go bald together instead of grow old together. I don't feel comfortable in any clothes, I don't feel pretty, like ever. I beat myself up more than anyone else could. I've tried to work out and eat healthy, it doesn't help. Yes I get toned, but my size stays the same. So as I sit here and write this, I want you to think about what others go through without your mean and hurtful words about their appearance. 

Me a few years ago, with my wig 
I recently found out I have an auto-immune disease. The specialist believes this is the cause for some of my aliments, such as my hair loss. It also has lots to do with my weight as there are long periods of time I'm bed ridden. My point to this is you never know what someone else is going through. Stop judging others on appearance and start judging on their heart and what they do for others.

The past few years a "plus" size model has taken the world by storm, Ashley Graham. God I love this woman. She has done talks about body positive and just being true to you as a young, strong woman. Her lessons to young woman is what we all need to hear. This is a true example of inside outside beauty. Her confidence is something I wish I could have a fraction of. Bless her for being a role model to all of us. Can we all take a lesson from her.

This week I saw an article where a "curvy" woman was told her husband is too hot for her.
My son and I, blonde hair to cover how thin it is
Seriously?? Now it's not just good enough that she is beautiful in his eyes (and she is gorgeous), that they love each other and are happy. Why because society says they both need to fit into a certain mold. This is more than a little outrageous.

Cosmo featured a larger woman on the cover and people all over are shaming her. Okay here is my tip, if you don't like it, don't buy that issue, don't look at it. She is beautiful to someone. She is confident and gives people like me just a little more confidence. She encourages young people to love themselves. We don't know if she has a medical condition causing her weight like me. People assume that if you are over weight that all you do is eat chips, pop and take out. And yeah sometimes it's true, but what business is it of yours? How about we start judging people by who they are and not how they look. body shaming can go both ways but, I think it's time to learn to accept people for who there are instead of how they look, what they wear or anything other than their personalities.

Back to school

I'm pretty sure I'm the only parent that dreads back to school. We are now over a week in to the new school year in my area and the ...