Thursday, September 13, 2018

Insecurities

Recently I've done a few posts talking about my insecurities as a writer and my physical appearance. I've decided I want to go even deeper. I'm hoping sharing my thoughts with you will help myself and maybe someone else.

So let's start at the beginning. I've dealt with mental health issues since I was in high school. I never admired it, and when given medication, I was convinced I could handle it myself. I'd take the meds for a short period and then stop.

In my mid twenties I met my husband James. I'm so lucky to have a man like him in my life. I was very open about my mental health issues and insecurities. He accepted me for who I am.

When I would go off my meds and things would start heading downhill, James would calmly tell me it was time to seek medical attention. He kept me in check.

After my seconds child I suffered PPD. Medication helped. I stayed on it for years, until my third child. At this time my doctor advised me it wasn't recommended during pregnancy. So I stopped taking it. Although because if history I went back on after, until I felt "good" again. Then it was on and off for years.

A few years ago I hit rock bottom. I didn't tell anyone, but it was bad. Finally after some traumatic experiences, almost ending my marriage and really wanting to end my life, I sought help again. At this point I made a promise to my doctor to never go off my medication again. I haven't. I still struggle, but it's usually related to normal life stresses.

Thankfully, James stood by me through everything. My kids all understand my struggles and I understand theirs. Unfortunately depression and anxiety is a trait they inherited from me. Together as a family we deal with it.

Depression isn't curable, but it is treatable. We can't treat it like a virus. Mental illness is a life long struggle. Just like thyroid disease, diabetes or anything else that requires daily medication. You wouldn't quit taking heart disease meds, so why would you stop taking meds for a nuerological disease? Please don't be like me and think you can handle your depression on your own. You don't need too.

I've seen the bad and the ugly side of mental illness. I've experienced it. I've seen the effects on loved ones. I've thought that they would be better off without me, but I know better now. I've seen those that have lost people to mental illness, and they are not better off.

If you suffer from mental illness, know your not alone. Message me, message a friend's or family member, call a help line. People care and although that can be hard to believe, they really do.

Over the next few weeks, leaking up to world mental health day (October 10), I'll be making very personal posts. I'll share the crazy mixed up thoughts in my head. I wasn't to be accountable for my feelings, my insecurities and my faults. I want to heal and be a better person. Most of all, I want to do it with you. I want you to join me on my part of self discovery, self healing and self acceptance.

Xoxo
Charlotte

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