Parenting - How did I get it right?

When thinking about becoming a parent, we think about many things, including but not limited to,  what it means, how our life will change, how we were raised and how we want to raise our kids. When I decided to have kids I knew there were a few things I wanted to do differently.

I was raised in a very traditional sense, mom stayed at home until i was in school (the last of 3 kids). Dad worked hard and was strict. We had to have manners and show respect to our elders, we had chores and once mom started working, we had to help with things like cooking dinner. We were loved, but not spoiled, we had rules to follow and we were spanked if we disobeyed or misbehaved. I wasn't allowed to date till I was 16, I wasn't allowed to wear make-up until my mom thought it was appropriate. My parents didn't include us kids in decisions, they didn't talk about finances around us and we did as we were told without talking back. I had a great childhood with lots of fantastic memories and I think my parents did a pretty good job, because I like to think I'm a decent human, not perfect but pretty decent. Thanks mom for making me a caring, somewhat responsible and giving adult. 

When I had children I didn't want a bunch of rules. Why? because I was a little shit that broke almost every rule I was given. I rebelled and my mom is still learning about some of the crap I pulled as a teen. I wanted to remove to rebelling option from my kids. I wanted them to know about our financial struggles, so maybe they wouldn't make the same mistakes. I wanted to tell my kids about all the BS I pulled as a teen. After all I was once their age and remember what they feel and think. So I have a 100% full disclosure policy with my children. I am completely honest with them. 

Now as a parent, we never know if we are doing it right. We do what we think is the best and hope it turns out. Once my oldest daughter came to me, she was about 14 at the time. She told me she really wanted to try sneaking out, because her friends were doing it and it sounded fun. She then proceeded to tell me how there was no point because I'd let her go anyways and that removed the fun from it. (I removed the option to rebel like I did as a teen). I took this as a score. Another time she asked to go to a bush party. I said sure, I'll drop you off, but wear runners because when the cops come they will charge whoever they can catch, so make sure you're not the last one there. She decided against going.. Another score in my books. Situations like this went on through-out her teen years. Her friends would call me if they were in compromising situations, I'd go pick them up, no questions asked and take them home. Other parents knew the kids felt comfortable with me, and trusted that I would help take care of them if they didn't feel comfortable going to their own parents. It takes a village! 

Fast forward to today, 2018. I have a 19 year old daughter living on her own in another Country, in one of the party capitals of the world, Las Vegas. She also went to school by herself for a year at 15 in New York. I also have a 15 year old, who suffers from sever anxiety and fights it every day to go to school and dance. She's a beautiful soul and likes to insist she was switched at birth and not related to our crazy family. Then there's my little man, he's 12 next week. He loves computers and is way under-active for his age, but is the most caring loving kid a parent could ask for.

Grand Canyon Easter 2018

Are my kids perfect? oh hell no! Am I proud of each one of them? Hell yes! As parents we do what we think is best for our kids, for me it was being honest and hoping they could learn from my mistakes, trust me enough to come to me with anything, be respectful of others and be productive members of society. Now my son is still young, and my one daughter is a typical teen. My oldest is killing it at life though and I like to think that this is because of how I raised her. I ask myself everyday how I got it so right with her and hope it turns out just as good with the other two. Jorden is 19, living on her own, she bought a car, took driving lessons, rented an apartment, working full time and doing other odd jobs, she just got a promotion at work, is attending collage and traveling the world. All of this on her own dime. I couldn't be more proud. Shawnee wants to follow in her big sister's footsteps, and Lucas is even saying the same at his young age. I love that they look up to and admire each other.

Now of course every parent thinks their kid is the cats ass, but I'm going to introduce you to my eldest and let you form your own opinion. Jorden started a blog a few months ago. She is amazingly insightful and far more talented at blogging than I am. So please go check it out, leave her a comment and send some encouragement for a young girl doing her best at life. Just click HERE.

Most of all remember as a parent you do the best you can, we all do what we think is best and what works for one, might not work for the next. So if you were looking for advice, all I can give is to tell you to give love, receive love, do what you think is best and lock the bathroom door so  you can have a moment to breath.

XOXO
Charlotte

The good, the bad and the ugly cry

We all have them, good days, bad days and ugly cry days. It's healthy to have them, but don't dwell on the less than perfect days. Take them and learn from them. I have never been the healthiest person, but I tried to be the best I could on the good days. It wasn't until this past fall when I became seriously chronically ill and no one really knew what was the matter that I kinda just gave up. I spent about eight months in bed and at doctor offices. No clear answers. This happens to more people than we realize. Now the important moment is ones life is the realization that bad days don't define us. It doesn't matter if it's from physical illness, mental illness, being overwhelmed in life or anything else. What matters is how we handle it.

I'm one of the lucky ones, I have a very supportive family. They encouraged me to get back into writing when I could no longer hold down a job outside of the home. My mother, husband and children all wanted me to be happy and productive. The thing that I didn't realize then, that I do know is that if I push myself, I become more productive, and I'm happier. This leads to more good days than bad days. I still have bad days, today as I write this I am having one. Dealing with lots of pain, a headache and emotional stress. Yes I even had a little ugly cry. To pull myself out I decided to push through and write. We need to recognize when we need a break and when we need to push through.

This was the same when my kids were little. Not a single one of my three kids liked to sleep through the night. I like to joke that between pregnancy, babies and toddlers, I didn't sleep for twelve years. Truth is, that was no joke. If you're a parent, you understand how hard it can be to care for a colicky baby off an hours rest. Yes at times I wanted to run away. Actually one time I did. My husband had just got home and I left, without saying a thing. I walked around the block for about 90 minutes. I calmed myself and returned to my responsibilities. Several years later my now adult daughter has told me how that affected her. I didn't mean to hurt my children, we never do. As a mom, as a human we all need to escape sometimes. I've now learned that I can get the same escape by taking time to myself and doing something I love.

So next time you are having a bad day, an ugly cry or the urge to run away. I'd like to remind you that you aren't alone and that you deserve that mini melt down. It will get better and the good days will return. Find what helps you have more good days, remember to see the good in your life, the smile on your kids face, the encouragement from your loved ones. Everyday I try to remind myself of all the things I have to be grateful for. Today, I'm grateful to have the ability and courage to write it down and share it with you.

I hope you are having a good day and please feel free to share what you're grateful for in the comments.

Charlotte
xoxo