Dreams

We all have some kind of dream for our lives, some big, some small but each one is important. I have dreams for myself, my career, my life, my kids, everything in my life I have an ideal dream for it. Some may say I live with my head in the clouds, but I say I live my life with goals. Lets face it, that's what dreams are, goals. I bet if we examine our dreams, we all have very similar dreams.

Family, there's many dream we have about family. Some dream of having a family, some dream about a loving or happy family and others dream about what they want for their family. I'm no different. When it comes to my family, I dream about happiness. I want each of my kids to have success and happiness, I want them to find love and enjoy life. I dream that my husband gets the recognition at work that he deserves, that he doesn't have to work so hard to provide the life we want for our family.

Health, I dream about health for myself and my family. As some of you might know, I have a autoimmune disease. This has made me make some major changes in my life. I take the good days when the come and the bad days when they come. I dream of having more good days than bad. I dream that my kids won't suffer the same disease as I do. Health is something we take for granted. We usually don't think about it until something is wrong. Health is something I've dream about all the time and from a young age. I dream of the day when people won't have to suffer anymore, when cancer will be cured. I dream that my children will never have to face any further health concerns.

Financial Stability, this I think is something everyone dreams about, and it's okay. We all dream of a day when we don't have to worry about bills. A day when we can take a vacation if we want. I dream of the day I beat the odds and win the lottery, I mean who wouldn't like that. Mostly I just dream of making a living with my writing. I dream of financial stability with writing, so I can pay it forward, I can afford to use paid blogger services, help others live their dreams. 

So as you can see dreams are really just goals, things we want to achieve in life. It's important to follow your dreams. Believe that you can achieve them. What are some of your dreams?

Time to get a little personal

I've made the decision to blog every Wednesday, Although today is Thursday. Why did I wait an extra day? Well I wanted to share some personal things I've been dealing with and it had to wait till today. As mentioned in a previous post, I've been dealing with some health issues. Lots of blood work, diagnostic tests and specialists. Well the good news is I'm getting closer to a diagnosis. I want to share my last year with you.

Well I thought it all started in August, but have since learned many of my health issues even from childhood are relevant. In August I got this god awful rash (I thought it was an allergic reaction), someone compared it to vacuum suction marks. It was painful and I could hardly move. I spent nearly every day in urgent care or the doctors office. I was put on oral steroids for 6 weeks. At the end of August I saw a specialist who did what's called a punch biopsy of the marks I had. The results came back positive for  leukocytoclastic vasculitis (LCV). This is an autoimmune disease of the vascular system, there is no cure. LCV is commonly a secondary diagnosis to other autoimmune disorders. So we continued with more tests. Everything was coming back negative, yet I was in so much pain, I was exhausted, like couldn't even lift my head. I'd sleep for 18+ hours a day and couldn't function. We knew something was wrong, but couldn't pinpoint it. I saw my PCP, a dermatologist, an internist, a resident that specialized in rheumatology, a cardiologist and had a referral for a rheumatologist. My PCP, the intenist and resident all thought it was fibromyalgia. Well I have a nursing background and just didn't feel that was it. I still thought there was more to my story.

Finally in June I saw the Rheumatologist, for those of you that don't know they specialize in autoimmune disorders. Well after one hour with me, she went over signs and symptoms, looked over photos and said she's convinced it's Lupus. So back for more blood work I go. She also informed me she saw signs of it in my blood work from August. Now I will admit, this is the exact diagnosis I suspected. Most people it takes years to get diagnosed, but it looks like less than a year for me. So I feel very lucky. If you don't know, Lupus is a disorder where your immune system attacks your own body. There is no cure only treatment, which isn't very pleasant either. Lupus can also attack your organs. I already have suspected kidney and heart involvement.

So why am I happy to get diagnosed with this? Well simple, the sooner I start treatment the better it is for me. People with Lupus are now living full life expectancy with proper care and treatment. I also spent the past nine months in bed, my memory failing, couldn't get my thoughts straight or even out at times, no will to go on, no motivation and depression took over. I was one 12 different medications (I hate taking meds). I'm ready to face my disease head on. So I said enough is enough, I started writing again and here we are, release week for the revised version of Immortal Embrace. I vowed to not let my disease win over my life. I have my drive back again and so excited for what the future holds.

Today I had a MPI Stress test. This is a test of the heart, I had to walk on a treadmill until a target heart rate was met. I was injected with a special dye and the MRI photos were taken of my heart. I returned 3 hours later for more MRI photos to be taken. I won't have any results for a few days, and have five...yes five more heart tests coming up between now and October. I see the Rheumatologist at the end of this month and will hopefully start treatment as well as further investigation into my kidney's.

So that's my story, I want you all to know that no matter what it is you might be going through, you're not alone. reach out to me on social media, email, whatever. I'm here to listen. I'm writing again, and have like 7 books coming out before Christmas (including the revised Embrace Series). I will keep everyone updated on my progress in both writing and health and thank you for standing by me. I love you all.

Charlotte           

Where have I been?

It's been a long and exciting 4 year break I took from writing. Yes life got in the way, I lost my drive for writing, my muse. Well I'm back and I'm sorry it's been so long. I've been receiving lots of emails and messages encouraging me to write more, to come back to what I love. Well I want to start by sharing the last 4 years with you.

So much has happened in such a short time. Here's a brief break down of my life the last little while. Near the beginning of my lets call it a sabbatical, my eldest daughter at the age of 15 moved to NYC on her own to attend Joffrey Ballet school. It was a dream come true for her, and for us. We were so proud. A few months later I went to work for the local school board as a special needs learning assistant. My nursing background help immensely with this rewarding and challenging job. This is where I really lost my drive to write. Working a full time job, taking care of the other two children and the household was enough for me.

About a year into my job I began suffering some health concerns. Nothing major, but I was bedridden for several months and had surgery. Jorden was now home from NYC and finishing her senior year of high school.  She helped me so much with her younger siblings, but was still busy herself. Anyways, once healed from surgery, I returned to work. I transferred schools at the end of the school year.

Now I loved my job, I love working with kids. I just felt that I needed to do more. So being very interested in politics, I ran in the civic election, increased my volunteering and ran my ass off. It was an exciting year. Until I got sick again. During the election I became really ill. I struggled to keep up with my obligations. I basically stopped campaigning the last two weeks, when everyone else was out in full force. Now I didn't withdraw because I wanted to follow through. I did very well, but thankfully I did not win a seat on our city council. Everything happens for a reason. I really do believe that.

That brings me to the last seven months. I have left my job with the school, been trapped in bed and seeing so many doctors and tests. We still don't know exactly what is medically wrong, aside from it being some kind of autoimmune disorder. I have been learning how to live my new life. A life with chronic disease. I'm not sharing this for sympathy, because none is needed. It is just a new way of life.

So what better way to heal the mind and body than doing something you love? For several months my mother (yes even at my age she still tells me what to do) has been telling me to start writing again. Well lets just say after being the stubborn child that doesn't listen, my mom was right. The moment I picked up my computer and started writing again, I felt a sense of relief. I found myself again.

Now with all that out, I hope you will all follow along on this journey with me. Oh and start rereading The Embrace Series, because there will be a new instalment.